Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
