You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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