weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
