you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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