I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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