I just threw up on my dentist
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
