I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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