Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize