Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
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I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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