dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
