i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
