I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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