what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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