She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
