Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have aggressive nipples.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
