new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
