cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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