just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's Friday. Sex?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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