Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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