you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
