like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
