She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
