the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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