beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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