Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
