Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
