I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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