my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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