I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
