**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
