my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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