you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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