Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
where are my eyebrows?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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