I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize