Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
