dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
