I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Holy sore nipples Batman
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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