would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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