A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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