I could have mohawked her pubes.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
