apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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