I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
