Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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