he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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