i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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