Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
