Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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