You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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