She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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