I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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