he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
