Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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