Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
...so i touched it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
