i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
how can u be prego again
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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