I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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