He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
