Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just wanna soil my oats bro
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
