ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
