You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
