TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
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I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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