There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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