So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
