you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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