wat bout pragnant strippers??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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