tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
