a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
