We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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