Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
