You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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