then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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