Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
