I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
