dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
