Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I did not marry a roomba.
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