Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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