I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
