Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
