trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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